Yesterday I was standing in my bathroom feeling mildly distraught about all the places I hadn't been, things I hadn't bought, financial independence I had yet to achieve. I had been flipping through instagrams per the normal morning routine and between images of Glacier National Park, and mountain bikers in New Zealand I couldn't help but feel like I'd seen practically none of the world and done nothing cool at all. To top it off I started in on the negative self talk about how I couldn't even do those things if I wanted to since I have so much student loan debt, barely any idea what I want to do with my career, and no prospects of finding my life partner, or buying my own house anytime soon.
Here I was in the bathroom at 7:45 am in the morning, asking myself, "what the hell am I doing brushing my teeth? I should be backpacking through Europe right now, or working a second job to save enough money for the house. I should be taking classes and learning all the stuff I don't know yet, reading books or working out or painting murals or apprenticing somewhere. Oh my God, panic, I have so much to do, I don't even have time to brush my teeth!!"
This phenomenon happens to me a lot. It's not about wanting more money, more fame, more success, it's about wanting more identity capital. I want to succeed in so many areas of my life, and I want to be graceful through it all. I have big plans, big dreams, big ideas about all the amazing places I could go, things I could do, companies I could start, lives I could change and impact.
I don't have an issue with my dreams about backpacking through Nepal. I do take issue with, however, letting dreams of backpacking through Nepal get in the way of what I'm doing right now.
Being afraid that you won't get to do all the things you want to do in life, is the most ridiculous fear of all because it pulls you away from the things you are currently doing. Things that you previously wanted to do. It's as if you spend your entire life jumping from dream to dream never really enjoying any of them.
The future is out there, I'm sure, based on where I've been so far, it'll be great, but I don't need to think about it right now. Right now, I need to brush my teeth, and go to work.